Working things out-even when it's hard

Most people spend more time and energy going around problems than in trying to solve them~~ Henry Ford. In a conversation with my son, one of my core beliefs was discussed. When he wanted to leave for a few days to take a break from us, his parents, I reminded him that we as a family work things out, we don't avoid them. To deepen relationships with each other, we must not avoid, ignore or distance ourselves thinking that it will make things better-it NEVER does. I've experienced it, seen it and studied it in school. Working through difficult issues with people takes skill, maturity and a deep love and respect for others. If a relationship really means something to us, we must dig our heels in, be brave and work through the "muck", letting our pride or walls come down as we do so. Jeff had to teach me this when we were first married as my inclination was to always leave when things got hard, as I'd seen modeled in my own family. He encouraged me to stay and work through issues no matter how painful. Then I learned it to an even deeper degree in dealing with my own family relationships and through studying relationships in school. Those people that care enough to be real about how they're feeling and willing to work through hard times are usually those we develop the closest relationships with. Sadly, not eveyone is willing to put themselves out there so relationships with them are often shallow-only about the surface things. I feel sorry for these people as they will never have the deeper, at times painful, but mostly Joyful aspects of a relationship that makes life so worth living. It is my fervent hope that my children will learn this lesson now and have the courage to live a REAL life with deep and loving relationships.

Paying it forward

I've been very fortunate in my life to be helped by many people. As a senior in high school when my mom and I weren't getting along, an older friend at work invited me to stay with her family as long as I needed. It kept me from committing murder, running away or going crazy. I ended up living there for about 2 months until Jeff and I married. I was able to stay in school, graduate and work on my relationship with my mom. I've always appreciated the support this friend gave me, it made all the difference in my life at the time. Other kindnesses shown me have included small but important things such as; rides to work, buying me lunch, making my family dinner, folding my laundry (thanks mom!), shoveling my walk, etc. Many "larger" things have helped me in times of need such as; money showing up in the mail with a card for no reason (thanks Kim!), allowing us to do our laundry at their house and then feeding us (thanks Sandy and Gordon), helping with car repairs, watching my kids-even as long as a week so Jeff and I could go on a cruise (Thanks Carla and Gene!!!), help with cleaning my house, and so many other things. I'm always glad when I have an opportunity to give back, to return those kindnesses by paying it forward to someone else. You never know when those opportunities will arise but when they do, I know I'm always blessed to have them. Right now, we have Jordan's friend living with us and though it's been a little stressful to have one more teenager to worry about, I know this is my opportunity to show appreciation for what my friend did so long ago for me by paying it forward to him.