We deserve to be good to ourselves

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." -- Buddha While driving one of my children's vehicles, I noticed it was incredibly difficult to see out of the front windshield. So, after putting away the groceries, I got out the Windex and a roll of paper towels and began cleaning. As I was cleaning, a thought came to me regarding how we treat ourselves. Often we let things go, we don't "bother" to do for ourselves what we would gladly do for others. I felt good cleaning the windows on my Teenager's car-an act of service, but how often do I stop to clean my own windows. As Buddha says above, we deserve our own love and affection and might I add, care taking. Particularly, we women, often have a hard time taking care of ourselves or giving ourselves the little extras we lovingly give to others. We deserve to be good to ourselves whether that means a clean car, clean bedroom (I'm speaking for myself here!), a treat now and then, a bouquet of flowers that catch our eye at the store, a nap to rejuvenate, an hour to ourselves to save our sanity, but most importantly we deserve to love who we are and appreciate ourselves-imperfections and all. It's important to be good to ourselves by creating a space that is clean and personalized, where we have the ability to reconnect with what's important to us and to follow through with our dreams and aspirations. We deserve to push ourselves to be our persosnal best and appreciate the person we've become.

"The willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self-respect springs."-- Joan Didion

My favorite places

I just returned from traveling through Texas and Colorado after seeing Dean graduate from Basic Training. Texas-not one of my favorite places. Humidity (at least in the area we were in) Hot temperatures, Bugs, Cowboys (not a fan), etc. and some interesting family memories. But, Colorado, wow!! I love that state. It's soooo beautiful, there is so much to do and there is actually some culture in the big city of Denver. Not to mention, this was me and Jeff's first real home. He was stationed in Colorado Springs when he was in the army and we had a cute 2- story apartment that I loved. The scenery and tunnels driving from Colorado and back into Utah through Vail, Aspen, Grand Junction, etc. is breathtaking. It's one of my favorite drives and can't help but feel uplifted and grateful as I drive through the mountains and canyons that Heavenly Father created for us to enjoy. Colorado is definitely my favorite state in the U.S. That being said, my favorite city is Chicago, Illinois. I love the diversity, beauty, shopping, culture, entertainment, architecture, the magnificent mile that eventually leads to the city beach, transportation system and...they have a Dunkin Donuts shop on every corner downtown. Can't beat that!! I've visited Chicago about 3-4 times and always find something different to explore. My first trip to the city I booked a city greeter tour. That's a tour where a volunteer city resident actually takes you on a walking tour of the city. I had a blast! An older woman that had lived there most her life and was a retired college professor was my tour guide. We were a great match, she and I loved many of the same things about the city. She was so knowledgeable and had such a love for the city that it was infectious. We walked from one end of the city to the very end where it ends in a public beach, how cool is that!! We then walked back towards downtown through different neighborhoods appreciating the architecture style of the older homes in Chicago. We then stopped by a corner bistro for a drink and a pastry (I told you we loved the same things), and then took the subway back to our starting point. It was one of my favorite afternoons.

Graduation

As Lysette graduates from High School and Dean from his Air Force Basic Training, I've been pondering what life holds for them. I think back to my High School graduation and realize I was so young and naive yet I felt so grown up and ready to go out into the world. Many people ask me how I feel about my two kids "graduating". Sad? Lonely? Nervous? For some reason, most assume I am having difficutly with these transitions when in actuality I'm excited to see what my kiddos will accomplish and how they will go about finding their own way in this world. I encouage them, applaud them and pray that they will make good choices for themselves with guidance from the Holy Ghost. But I have faith in these two young adults Jeff and I have raised. I know this caring, generous, patriotic, sensitive and fun loving young man and this kind, humble, honest, responsible and easy going young lady will make their own way, making mistakes along the way (don't we all), but learning and growing and becoming the people I know they have the potential to be. Signed, their proud mom

BLINDSIDED

"Anyone can become angry, that is easy....but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way....that is not easy." --Aristotle

Why the quote about anger? Anger is an emotion I have spent much of my life trying to working on. Considering this, I've been mulling over and processing an accusation made indirectly by a person in my life. I haven't reacted out of anger/hurt as I may have done in the past. Part of the problem is that these accusations were made indirectly and then relayed to me. Sadly it reminds me of the Jr. High School crap that happens with my students, ie: he said, she said, bla bla bla! Unfortunately this kind of thing has happened numerous times before, always with the same result-I confront the person and try to get to the bottom of the issue, usually to find out there has been a huge misunderstanding while they play the victim. When it has been my fault, I have tried to take responsibility for my actions and apologized, but it's hard when you're not even given the chance to deny it even happened, it feels as if I've been Blindsided. Because this person does not take the opportunity to discuss things maturely and openly as an adult, it's difficult to work on the relationship. So....how do I react to accusations that are so far fetched but are being told directly to everyone but me?? Actually, I've decided to just let it go...I've been here before and I give up, I'm done. No matter how hard I try to have an honest, mature relationship with this person, it doesn't happen. OK, I finally get it, it won't happen as much as I'd like it to. Now... if only others wouldn't be so eager to jump on her bandwagon without considering the source!! I hope this person will be able to finally get to a place where anger isn't held on to and allowed to fester for more than a year, what a waste of precious time!

Happiness

Being an eternal optimist, sometimes I am sadly disappointed when things don't go the way I'd like or have envisioned. (Ok, maybe that also speaks to my somewhat controlling nature.) But I still revert back to my optimistic if sometimes unrealistic expectations. It's actually one of the things I like about myself. I try to look on the brighter side of things and have faith that things always happen for a reason, whether we understand the reason now or not. I have had profound confirmations of this in the past and it is what keeps me so upbeat. I was recently drawn to a book called Eat, Pray, Love. The author was on Oprah but I didn't see the episode she was on, just a commercial for that particular episode and the title of the book resonated with me so I bought it for myself. The author details her "quest" of sorts, regarding her spirituality and purpose in life. In her book the author, Elizabeth Gilbert, quotes one of her spiritual guru's teachings on happiness: "People universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend upon you like fine weather if you're fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don't you will leak away your innate contentment. It's easy enough to pray when you're in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments." I loved this quote! It is so deeply true. We are truly the only ones that can make ourselves happy. We choose how we look at the world, how we react to others and how we internalize outside influences. It's what I try to teach in counseling and it's what I believe with all my being. Now I just need to remember this when I'm obsessing over some unimportant aspect of life. It is my New Year wish for all of us-that we will CHOOSE to be happy!